Ghosting is the term given to the ‘situation’ when you are going out with someone, everything seems to be going great, you start thinking there is a future with this guy/girl, when bam!, out of the blue, they stop responding to your text messages, phone calls and emails. Relationships are changing these days, thanks to technology and it is no wonder that breakups are also changing accordingly. More and more people are hooking up using technology such as texting apps and social media etc. It is no wonder that ghosting is a common way for people to break up. We have all been guilty of ghosting and being ghosted. If you are currently in a situation where you are being ghosted by a great potential partner, we understand the pain you are in. Let us take a look at some ways to deal with the rejection that comes with being ghosted:
1. Understand why people ghost
Often times, the ghoster believes that ghosting is the only way to let the partner know of their lack of interest. They feel that it is easiest to let a person down in this manner instead of meeting and having a dramatic breakup. Often times, the ghosters lack maturity and the guts to talk things out. Once you place yourself in the ghoster’s shoes, you will be less inclined to think it was your fault.
2. Accept the pain
No one likes rejections. Every rejection comes with a feeling of shame, self doubt and a plethora of other negative emotions. A person who has been ghosted believes that they probably drove the other person away or did something to turn them off. First of all, it is in no way your fault. Yes, you will feel pain especially if you have been in the relationship for a long time. People who have been ghosted months after being in a relationship find it harder to come to terms with the grief. The first step in dealing with pain is acceptance. Acknowledge your grief. This is key to accepting the situation. Take care of yourself. And in no way demean yourself by texting, calling, begging or trying to get in touch with the ghoster. Which brings us to the next step:
3. Cut off all contact
The sooner you accept that you are no longer important to this person, the better it will be. So delete, delete and delete all of their contact details be it Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Phone Address book etc. Do not write down or memorize their number. Also block and blacklist them on all these platforms. This will help you in two ways-first, it will help you stop the temptation to get in touch with them (for one last time, like you tell yourself) and also, if in the future they wish to contact you for some reason, then they will have no chance of doing so.
4. Find out if you are really being ghosted
This step actually comes at the beginning before everything else. Find out if this person is really ghosting you. Perhaps they have had a family emergency or have lost their phone and contacts or are simply dealing with some stuff in their personal lives. In any case, call or talk to them if they will. If they still do not get back to you and you see clear signs such as them having blocked you etc, then yes, you are being ghosted.
5. Celebrate!
Celebration might be the last thing on your mind. But you must thank your guardian angels for having watched over you. Why do you want to end up with someone who does not even have the basic courtesy to end things maturely? This is not a sensitive person. S/he is selfish, rude, lacking in manners and empathy and you definitely do not ever want to be with someone like that. So bring out the champagne and drink away. Thank your lucky stars that things ended before they got messier.
6. Talk to people
Talk therapy always helps. If you are feeling guilt, shame, anger or confusion, talk things out with your friends and family. This will help you put things into perspective and reiterate the fact that it was not your fault. Meet friends and have a good laugh. This will surely make you feel better.
7. Take good care of yourself
Sure you miss the texts, the dates and long phone calls. But instead of beating yourself up, now is the time to start investing in yourself. Workout, eat well, sleep well and meditate. These things may not be on your mid but they do help.
8. The ex is not the only one for you
There are so many people on this planet. Stop thinking this is the last girl/guy for you. Believing your ex is the last guy/girl for you will only intensify the negative feelings and keep you from attracting positive things in life.
9. Keep a journal of your thoughts
In addition to talking to friends and family members, keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings. This will help you write down private thoughts which you might be uncomfortable sharing with people.
10. Understand that ghosting is an inevitable part of dating
Thanks to technology these days, we will always ghost people and people will always ghost us. Consider this as a part and parcel of the dating game. There will always be a reason why someone may not be suitable for you but that in no way means that there is no one else for you. Finding a suitable life partner involves a lot of things, so things like breakups and ghosting are inevitable. Understand that you may have to go through several relationships before you settle on the one.
11. Do not take this personally
This will be very difficult to accept. Every person who is ghosted goes through thoughts of shame, guilt, doubt, anger, fear, sorrow etc. Remember that it may not always be your fault. Perhaps you just have different needs. And s/he is unable to communicate those needs with maturity. Understand that no one gets into a relationship with the intention of breaking up or hurting the other party.
12. Get busy
Your routine will help you get through the day. Try changing a few things in case your routine involved a lot of texting with your partner. Take up a course or try enriching yourself on a personal or professional level.
13. Pamper yourself
Now is the time to indulge in yourself. Go for massages. Learn to love your own company. Take yourself out for a dinner. Go watch a movie alone. Learn to love yourself unconditionally. Only then will the universe love you back in so many ways!
14. Keep the faith
Often people lose faith in the idea of relationships if someone breaks up with them in a nasty manner. The first thing to do is to stop judging other people on the basis of your past experiences. Keep the faith in relationships and in people. And most importantly, keep meeting people so that you will surely find your match one day.
15. Do not keep hoping that the ex will come back
Often people keep hoping that their ex will come back. The sooner you accept that you will never get together, the easier it will be for you. Stop waiting for that phone call, text, or email. This will only make you resort to begging or doing things you really do not want to do and will surely regret later. Life is too short to wait for someone to come back. Instead, accept the reality, get busy, stay happy and keep dating. That is the key to finding ‘the one’!
We hope these 15 ways help you deal with the nasty situation of being ghosted.