We live in an era where our lifestyles have become toxic thanks to social media. More and more couples are experiencing a situation which can best be described as ‘I love you, but-I am no longer in love with you’. And there need not always be a third person involved in the equation. People simply describe falling out of love because of lack of respect for their partners. Let us take a look at what to do when s/he doesn’t respect you anymore.
1. Respect his/her boundaries
The law of respect works both ways. If you want him to respect you, you need to respect him and his boundaries. You have to cherish his limits before you can expect him to cherish yours.
2. Love unconditionally
The Law of respect always fosters love. You need to love unconditionally without expectations. Loving unconditionally means desiring and protecting the partner’s freedom of choice. Yes, you may be dying for them to see things your way but you must still appreciate the fact that they have a mind of their own and also feelings and values.
3. Avoid comparison
Avoid comparing your partner with other people. Women often compare their husbands’ incomes while men compare their wives looks with that of others. Complaining and comparing often comes unknowingly and can inflict a lot of damage on the partner. This can lead to feelings of disrespect and anger which could shatter the foundations of the relationship.
4. Stop nagging
A wife who continually questions her husband’s judgment or tries to tell him how to do everything erodes his self esteem. Nagging and constantly reminding him are conformations that you do not trust him. This can make men angry and that in turn could lead to disrespect from his side.
5. Consider respect a gift
Some people wonder how they can respect their partner when nothing they do deserves respect. One way to look at the situation is to consider respect a gift. If someone gives respect to their partner it should be like giving a gift. Instead of demanding something in return from the partner in order to give respect simply give it as a gift knowing you will not always get it in return. When expectations reduce, life becomes happier.
6. No one is perfect
Unfortunately, our culture has taught us that in order to respect someone, that person needs to be perfect in each and every sense. This sort of thinking is just a trap. Instead honor your partner; give the gift of respect no matter if they respect you back.
7. Let go of the past
Many women and men stop respecting their partners due to their past actions. This in turn causes the partner to withhold love. It becomes a vicious cycle to the point that the couple despises each other. So before your marriage gets to the point, let go of the past.
Women have the inherent need to feel loved while men have the inherent need to feel respected. When the sense of being loved is lost, women start disrespecting their spouses. Likewise, men stop holding their love back when they feel disrespected. So communicate with your partner about this. Tell her you want to feel respected and women need to tell their husband that they need to feel loved. If needed, seek help from a counselor .Wives: tell him you respect him. This might seem like the hardest thing to do but telling your husband the list of reasons why you respect him can bring about a change in his demeanor! You can also write him a letter instead of speaking; it will soften his demeanor towards you.
9. No crying, begging
If you feel your husband/wife does not love and respect you, your first reaction would be panic. However, panic can push you to doing things you don’t want to do like beg, cry, threaten etc. All this would push them away further and you will end up with a lot of anger and hurt. Avoid following reactions when your spouse states that s/he does not love you anymore:
- All marriages have problems-That will only make them will feel you are not hearing them out or taking their words seriously.
- This is a mistake-They will think that you don’t understand the depth of their despair
- I love you-This will only remind them more that they do not love you. Please do not bring the topic of love again until your partner does. Do not love bomb Love bombing is better than nagging and criticizing but just as bad because you end up not listening to their anger. This can just as easily push them away.
- Trying to convince them to stay-Some time apart can actually give you time to reflect and go inwards. Use the time to meditate. Meet friends.
- Looking for a quick fix like weekend getaway or sex– You will only be focused on the planning of the act and again they will feel you are not listening to them.
- Label them as the problem-It just means that you are not focusing on changing yourself but are more focused on changing him.
10. Some more tips to deal with disrespect and lack of love in marriage
- Acknowledge their feelings– Ask the partner how you have hurt him or her.
- Listen-Bite the inside of your cheek every time you are tempted to respond to his hurtful allegations.
- Ask questions– When did this start? What would you have liked me to do?
- Put yourself in their shoes- This can help change your perspective and prevent you from saying things you might regret later.
- Engage in an engrossing activity-Go to a place where your mind becomes calm, Meditate or listen to music.
- Trust them– Accept what they say. Acknowledge and learn. Take the initiative in framing the situation in a positive way.
No one likes being disrespected. There might come a point when all these things might still fail. If this happens, it may be time to walk out.