The end of any relationship, especially an intimate or romantic one, is always painful. If you have recently broken up with your girl/boyfriend but wish to get back together, then there are some important considerations to make and steps to take. While they are not all easy, these ways are possible and the following guide will help you out.
1. Take the time to reflect
As sad as you might be feeling right now, it is time you take a moment to reflect deeply as to what went wrong in the relationship in the first place. May be you crowded him/her or made them feel as an object that was YOURS. May be you were too pushy which made them feel restricted. Once you understand it, you will be in a much better position to convince them you have changed.
2. Determine what attracted her/him in the first place
Think back to the time you first met and fell in love. What was it that attracted her/him to you. You must try to list those qualities and then really make them shine once again. You are what you are-so you need not fake here-just be yourself but try to go back to the time you were happy with your ex and the qualities s/he liked about you.
3. Know what s/he wants
If you have been together for a long time, then you already know what your ex likes in relationships. For example, most women like sensitive, confident and caring men. Women also want men to listen well and also take control. Men, on the other hand like a woman who is confident, bold, and independent thinking. While you cannot change yourself overnight, you could consider taking some courses to instill confidence in your abilities or make your self esteem go higher. This is an essential step when looking for ways to get him/her back after a breakup.
4. Respect and love yourself
This is the Universal rule of love and respect- if you want others to love and respect you, you need to first love and respect yourself. If you yourself have negative feelings towards your body or your inherent qualities, then chances that she/he treating you like a doormat will also increase. You certainly do not want to go back to your old ways or end up having fights like you did. So learn to say no when your boundaries and barriers are breached or you feel your ex treats you like a doormat.
5. Facing reality
Every relationship goes through different stages. Once the honeymoon stage is over it is time to face reality. May be you were going through a difficult phase in life which your ex was not willing to be understanding about. If that is the case, it is best to stay away from such a person as things would only come to the same conclusion as before. If, however, you feel she/he will reconcile, try and talk to her/him. May be s/he has also missed you after breaking up and could be willing to reconsider and accept you with all your baggage.
6. Keep some distance
No matter who has taken the first step of breaking up, it is important that you mutually agree to spend time away from each other. This is the time to reflect and give her/him some time to reflect too. This distance away can help you arrive at a decision as to whether the breakup should be permanent or whether you should get back. Spend some time with family or other friends you may have ignored when you were in the relationship. If needed, go out of town for a couple of days in order to relax. This will also give you time to reflect on things without having to face the ex.
7. Focus on you
As stated before, it is important that you invest some time on yourself. If you have hobbies you have been ignoring, it is time to catch up on them. Sign up for a gym or a dance class. This will get you in great shape and the exercise will release feel good hormones to boost your mood.
8. Give your ex a reason to come to you first
If your ex has initiated the breakup saying s/he wants some time away, respect the decision. Do not call up or visit her/him. Give them time to come back to you-as painful as it may be in doing so.
9. Do not be afraid
This is the most important thing to remember when dealing with a breakup-fearing that you will be left all alone for life. You will certainly not be alone – you will find love again.
10. Do the right thing
Last but not the least- do what is right. Perhaps you did something that caused the breakup. If it helps, you must own up to your mistake and apologize. If s/he is already seeing someone else, let them be. Do not try to sabotage the relationship or do something you will regret later. Just be with the longing and pain instead of resisting it-eventually, it will go away. You will feel much better about yourself when you do the right thing.
We hope these 10 steps help you get over a breakup or encourage you to take the right steps in order to get her/him back after a breakup.