“My boyfriend lied to me. How should I confront him?”
“How do I deal with lies in a relationship?”
“My boyfriend is a compulsive liar!”
“He lied to me; how do I trust him again?”
Sounds familiar? Then read on- we have some easy tips for exactly what to do when your boyfriend lies to your face.
1. Give him the benefit of the doubt
Do you know for sure he’s lying? If not, assume that he is telling the truth. No one likes to be scrutinized all the time. Many men actually lie to their wives and girlfriends because they believe that their women do not believe in them, no matter what. So unless he has done something wrong, and unless you have proof, you should believe he is telling the truth. If you do have proof, gather the evidence, present it to him and ask him to explain.
2. Stay calm
The next time you feel the words “what’s wrong?” coming out of your lips, take a deep breath, pop a chewing gum, and bite your tongue instead. There is no point in screaming and shouting as you are more likely to get the truth out when you are calm and open to discussions.
3. Respond constructively
If your boyfriend expects you to get angry and start yelling, he will be even more inclined to lie again and again. The only way to deal with lies in a relationship is to stay calm and focused and look for solutions. This way, he will be more likely to be honest moving forward.
4. Acknowledge his honesty
If your boyfriend does admit his mistake or says he has lied to you, then you must acknowledge his honesty and appreciate him for it. Make sure he knows that you are pleased that he had to courage to tell the truth. You might be tempted to retaliate by having a screaming match or even lying or cheating on him as a ‘tit for tat’. But doing these things will not solve anything. Giving him the cold shoulder or silent treatment would only encourage him to be dishonest about future mistakes.
5. Don’t ignore the behavior
Many women believe that if they ignore a compulsive liar’s behavior, things would be okay. Letting a lying or cheating behavior go unchallenged will give him the impression that you are okay with it. This might make him even more skilled at telling bigger lies. If your boyfriend’s compulsive lying is causing problems socially, you need to intervene for sure.
6. Is it a fantasy or a white lie?
Some men never grow up and cannot distinguish between reality and fantasy. You need to gently show him the difference and not treat his fantasies as lies. The same is the case with white lies-may be he lied to protect you.
7. Never over-react
Being lied to is no fun and it can cause the calmest of people to get angry and over-react. Although you must confront the lie as soon as possible, you have to do so calmly. Let your boyfriend know you are disappointed and hurt and that you will not know whether to trust him again. Avoid criticism, and most definitely avoid conducting an inquisition. This will only cause you to give more attention to the issue than it is worth. The result could be that he might add even more lie to it or feel encouraged to lie again and again.
8. Is there an underlying emotional need?
Lying is often an indication that there is an unfulfilled emotional need in the liar. Is he lying about his achievements? Chances are that he feels insecure or is seeking attention. Somewhere deep down, he may be trying to convey something important such as need for greater acceptance. You also need to take a closer look at your relationship. Perhaps he is afraid of telling you what is on his mind. This could also be a sign than you are not meant to be. This is an important step for dealing with lies in a romantic relationship.
9. Talk it out
Ignoring the underlying issues or sweeping them under the proverbial rug won’t help solve problems. In fact; he might continue to lie. Talk to him in a gentle manner, and show him that you wish to help. If needed, seek couple counseling. Make him see that his lying does not make the problem go away but is making things worse. A gentle talk is more effective than taking a punitive action.
10. Know that some lies are unforgiveable
If your boyfriend has cheated on you, it is a warning sign that this relationship is not meant to be. You cannot trust him; most cheaters continue cheating. You need to take a close look at underlying issues in your relationship. Perhaps he is afraid of breaking up with you, hurting you. As a next step, you need to take a call whether you wish to forgive or leave him. See how he reacts to your decision; it can give you an insight into whether he has remorse for his actions. Take the next steps calmly. If needed, spend some time apart to analyze your feelings for each other. A short separation may be just the thing needed to help each of you see your feelings for the other.
Being lied to is no fun but we hope this brief guide helps you deal with lies in your relationship.
