There is nothing easy about an affair. No matter whether it is a physical or emotional one, an affair is devastating when it ends and even more devastating to the partner being cheated upon. Only a strong marriage can withstand the storm of an emotional affair. Today, thanks to social media and chatting websites, emotional affairs have become rather common-almost like an epidemic. Many marriages are ending thanks to social media like Facebook and chatting sites. People are able to easily connect with exes, schools friends or colleagues. This makes it easy to connect and share stuf one is not able to share with their spouse. Even if the people involved do not cross the line physically, it can be very challenging to all persons involved to get over an emotional connection. Today we will study some ways for spouses to forgive emotional cheating.
1. Recognize the signs
An emotional affair tends to have following signs:
- He starts withdrawing from you; appears preoccupied and daydreams a lot
- Shares stuff with the other woman but not with you.
- Looks forward to being alone so he can text or call the other woman.
- Keeps his phone with him all the time. Also becomes super secretive and puts a password on the phone/computer that he won’t share with you.
- He becomes distant with you or criticizes you.
2. Decide if you wish to save the marriage
In some cases, there may be no compatibility left. Most marriages die because the romance goes away whilst paying bills and raising kids. So take a good hard look at yourself and also you as a couple. Are you willing to put in efforts to save the marriage? Speak to your partner as to how he feels about this. If you both decide to save the marriage for the sake of the kids, you have to start communicating more. You can books on relationships, how to have a good marriage and improve yourself as a wife. He will also need to end all contact with the other woman. Make him understand that this is the only way of making him get over her if he wants you to work out.
3. Focus on the positives
Instead of becoming a cold, negative and depressed person, focus on all that you have. Put those negative feelings away and look at your life in a whole new light.
4. Continue to handle the cheating partner with love
Your spouse has to understand that there is a difference between love and infatuation. He may be infatuated with that woman but your love will go a long way in bringing him back to you. When you married him, you knew you’d stand by him no matter what and accept all his flaws. This does not mean you make light of his wrongdoings but the first thing you got to do is to continue loving him. Soon he will see that there is a difference between love and infatuation and that love wins each time.
5. Use empathy
Empathize with him but do not excuse his cheating. Forgive but do not forget. Many emotional cheaters tend to blame their spouses and state their shortcomings as the reasons for their emotional or physical infidelity. Understand that their cheating has nothing to do with you. Seeking love and fulfillment outside marriage is wrong, no matter what. Marriage is all about commitments and one has no right to seek fulfillment outside. At the same time, you need to take a look at your marriage. Why do you think your partner strayed? Is it because you were unable to fulfill some voids in his life? Empathize with his situation once you see these facts.
6. Work on yourself
An important part of emotional cheating recovery is to work on yourself. Go out and try to distract yourself from thinking obsessive thoughts. Try to have fun with your friends. Work out at a gym and build a better body. You need a strong mind and body for coping with emotional affairs and all that inappropriate talk of your spouse. So work on renewing yourself while you do so.
7. Work on ‘us’
This is an important part of emotional cheating recovery. Have fun together and try putting behind the past. You need to start giving him the benefit of doubt and trusting him all over. Take up an activity as a couple so you have more things to talk about. You have to both work on finding strength to survive the affair.
8. Reconnect emotionally/physically with each other
Understand his needs. Trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration and encouragement are important for men. On the other hand, a woman needs her man to become more caring, understanding, respectful, devoted and reassuring. Make him understand that you need validation. Try and reconnect sexually with each other.
9. Build a support group around you
Many women are in such pain over their partner’s emotional cheating, that they literally die inside. They avoid meeting people because of it. This is not the way to go about things. Talk to a trusted friend about it (preferably a same sex friend). If needed, seek counseling. Encourage your spouse to seek marriage counseling with you.
10. Deal with the pain through meditation
How you deal with the pain depends on the extent of cheating. Meditation, deep breathing and yoga techniques can help on days you are overwhelmed with grief.
Men and emotional affairs are very common these days. So never think that it cannot happen to you. What you can do is try and build a stronger marriage through love and trust. Do not put up with his cheating-confront him and tell him you do not like his talking with the other woman. You can save your marriage by taking the above important steps. We hope this brief guide helps. Good luck!